By Imran Naved ( One of our students at Madrasah)

There are several  aayah - verses in the Qur'an that enjoin on Muslims the duty of being kind and compassionate to their parents. In almost every case, this injunction appears soon after the injunction to worship only one Allah Subhaanahu Wata’ala. This shows how important it is in Islam to treat parents properly.

Islam teaches Muslims to be kind to our parents. In the Quran Allah Subhaanahu Wata’ala says: “And we have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents.” (Al- Ankaboot 29:8)This shows how Allah Subhaanahu Wata’ala has directly commanded man to be good to his parents and that we never disrespect them.

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud, Radhiya Llaahu 'Anhu: I asked Allah’s Messenger (Swalla Allahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam), which of the deeds is best loved by Allah?” Allah’s Messenger   said, As Salat (the prayer) at its proper time.” I said, “What next?” He replied, “Kindness to the parents.” I asked, “What next?” He replied, “Jihad in the way of Allah”, [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

This hadith confirms how the treatment of parents is so important in Islam. The hadith specifically says ‘kindness’ to parents which  means that you have to be gentle, kind and sympathetic to your parents even when they’re in old age. The fact that this is higher than Jihad shows that instead of risking your life to help Islam, it is better to be kind to your parents first.

Moreover, In the Qur'an, Allah Subhaanahu Wata’ala asks Muslims to show kindness to their parents and forbids them from making even the smallest gesture or uttering even the smallest word of reproach to them. No impatience, disrespect, or contempt may be shown to parents.

Allah Subhaanahu Wata’ala says in the Qur'an [And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve any but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) "ugh," nor chide them, and speak to them a generous word. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord, bestow on them Your mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."] (Al-Israa' 17:23-24)

The metaphorical use of the word "wing" calls to one's mind the way in which birds tenderly and gently lower their wings for their offspring. The reason for the necessity of showing compassion toward parents is also given in the verse that reminds Muslims that their parents, and particularly the mother, suffered and sacrificed for them when they were young, weak, and totally dependent.

The Quran mentions many consequences of disobeying your parents or relatives. “Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.” (47:22, 23). This verse explains what happens to those who sever their ties of kinship and do mischief in the land. Severing the ties of kinship means that you don’t talk or meet with your relatives, parents or brothers and sisters. This is considered a major sin and in this verse Allah Subhaanahu Wata’ala says how he will make these people deaf and blind.

Furthermore the Prophet (Swalla Allahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam) says how disobeying one of your parents is a major sin. Narrated Abu Bakrah Nufai’ bin Al- Harith: Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the major sins?” Allah’s messenger (PBUH) asked this question thrice. We said, “Yes, O Allah’s Messenger. Please inform us.” He said, “To join partners with Allah in worship and; to be undutiful to one’s parents.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

This Hadith shows how disobeying your parent is such a grave sin that it is even compared to shirk (associating partners with Allah). Shirk is the only sin which Allah Subhaanahu Wata’ala will never forgive in the day of judgement so if obeying your parents is compared to this, then it is vital that every Muslim treats his parent well in case they are committing a major sin.

The Arabic word that appears in the Qur'an and in the sayings of Prophet Muhammad in connection with the treatment of parents is bir, often translated as "goodness." However, this translation is not very accurate, as bir includes other qualities, such as righteousness, kindness, compassion, reverence, respect, obedience, and even patience. Muslims should demonstrate all of these qualities when dealing with their parents.

Prophet Muhammad (Swalla Allahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam) indicated that those who treat their parents with coldness are not treating them with bir, and that Muslims should always show love to parents and never raise their voice when speaking to them.

Fatimah, Prophet Muhammad's daughter, displayed excellent behaviour towards her parents. Whenever Prophet Muhammad (Swalla Allahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam) visited her, she would rise, greet him with a kiss, and then, out of respect for him, seat him in her own place. Prophet Muhammad (Swalla Allahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam) used to greet her in the same way.

Children are responsible for the maintenance of their parents in three circumstances:

1. If the parents are lacking money or possessions and do not have the resources to meet their daily needs.

2. If the parents are not able to earn a living for themselves.

3. If their children are able to provide for them, (their ability to do so being determined by whether they have more food than needed to tide themselves over for one day and one night.

This obligation to look after parents is both a moral and a legal responsibility. Proof of this comes from the fact that when a man came to the Prophet complaining that his father wanted to take some of his property, Prophet Muhammad (Swalla Allahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam) said,

"You and your property belong to your father" [Ibn Majah].Thus, Muslims should not be stingy or miserly when it comes to serving their parents.

Non-Muslim parents

It is a basic rule in Islam that all parents, whether they are Muslim or not, are entitled to good and kind treatment from their children.
At the time of the Prophet (Swalla Allahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam), many of those who embraced Islam had difficulties with their parents, but Prophet Muhammad (Swalla Allahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam) taught them to be kind to their parents and to obey them except if they demanded actions that were contrary to Allah's laws.

In the Quran Allah Subhaanahu Wata’ala says: [And if they contend with you that you should associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them, and keep company with them in this world kindly, and follow the way of him who turns to Me, then to Me is your return, then I will inform you of what you did.] (Luqman 31:15).

This verse specifies the way in which Muslims should treat their non-Muslim parents. It is clear that obedience to parents is required of every Muslim, but if that obedience comes into conflict with obedience to Allah, then a Muslim's' duty toward Allah comes first.

The Qur'an specifically criticizes those who are blind to the truth and follow the wrong path simply out of obedience and loyalty to fathers and forefathers.

The verse also says that even though Muslims should not obey their non-Muslim parents if the latter try to divert them from Islam, they nevertheless should be kind and give them "good company," and be helpful to them so long as they show no aggression toward Muslims and Islam.